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10.31.99
It's Halloween. I love Halloween. It's the one day a year that you are allowed to see what it's like to be someone else. You also get to push your imagination to the limits. I went to a party last night and I was a mouse. I know...it seems like a standard costume but it was really cool. Halloween is also the day that River Phoenix died. It's such a sad thing. At 1:51am it was six years. I feel this strange feeling about the whole thing. You know what I mean, that feeling that you get when someone famous dies and you don't really know how to deal with it. It's odd.
I am sitting in my room right now watching MSNBC. I'm watching a press conference about that plane that went down. I don't really know how to deal about that either. 217 lives were lost and it is such a tragedy. Those poor families that were destroyed early this morning. My heart goes out to them.
11.1.99
Today we are going to discuss living with annoying things that people do. Let's take for instance the lack of respect that some people have for others. OK, there is a certin amount of respect that people should have for each other, right? Well, why does it seem like people don't acknowlege this anymore. It gets me so angry when people, my peers, blatently disrespect me. It can be something as simple as not saying hi to me in the dining halls to someone blasting their music through my wall when I have time and time again asked them to turn it down. It's just getting to the point where I can't deal with this anymore. I don't understand how people can be so self absorbed that they don't even realize that they are being assholes. And what makes it even worse is that there are people out there who know that they are acting like this and don't even care. People need to open their eyes and realize they how the act affects ther people around them, even if they don't mean to.
On a happier and more personal note, I want to tell Leyna that I read her diary today and that I love her too and that I picked today's quote for her. I love you Leyna!
11.2.99
I am sitting here at my computer and I have nothing at all to write about. I think that it's kinda suprising that I don't have anything to say because I always have something on my mind. I'm always complaining about something. But today, I'm at a loss. So, I'm just going to talk about the first things that come to mind.
I'm thinking about my friend Nora today. We haven't seen each other since graduation which was a stupid thing to do. The thing is that since we've both been at college, we have started talking a lot and have grown closer. I miss her tons and I can't wait at all until I see her again.
It's raining here today. I actually think that ppouring is the word. I just came back from walking in the rain without an umbrella cause it started raining after I left the dorm. I am not very happy about this. I was walking and thinking about this strange connection between the weather and peoples moods. I don't quite get it. What is it that makes so many people depressed on rainy days and so many people happy one sunny days?
11.3.99
I've been thinking a lot today about tons of things. My head is full of so many thoughts that I can't even keep them all straight. I haven't had a day like this in a while. It feels good to know that my brain isn't dead and that I can still think.
Some things I was thinking were the fears I have. I tend to (as some of you know) doubt myself. For a while my favorite phrase was "I can't". Recently, I've gotten better and convincing myself that I can do whatever I wanted to do as long as I worked at it. Sometimes though, I still doubt. It's not even myself that I do this to. I doubt other people and their intentions twards me as well. Some people call it paranoia but I don't think that I go that far. But today, I think that I realized an important lesson. If I doubt myself, I'll never get what I want. I know, to most people that sounds like a given. But to me, this is a huge revelation. I'm not even sure how I came up with this thought. It just came to me.
I actually have so much more to write about today but I'm going to save it all for those days like yesterday when I have severe cases of writers block.
And one more thing. Take a look at my quote of the day page today. Today's quote comes from my friend Jason. He is alright except for the fact that he likes peppermint ice cream....YUCK!!!
11.4.99
So, I'm going home is 15 days. I'm really excited about it. I'll get to see all my friends and my family who I miss a lot. The thing is that I'm really scared to go home too. It seems like an irrational thing to feel but everytime I thing about spending a week in the same like I left...I get nervous. See, to me, college was a way to get away from the everyday routine of home. I could finally have independance and the freedom to do what I wanted to do. And above all that, I could be myself and have people accept me for that. I had no past here at college and
11.5.99
and...if you haven't noticed...my computer was a bitch again and deleated half of yesterday's entry. I hope you all read it cause I don't know how to get it back :(
So, today has been a good day. I'm pretty happy. I finally went into the boys dorm. I promised myself that I would never go in there but today, in the company of Kim and Pat, I entered the dorm. Heehee...I'm so proud of myself.
Kim wants me to mention that there is a severe lack of dryers in the laundry room. I know that you guys are so interested in that.
That's all that I really have to write about today. Sorry that it's not more interesting ;)
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