Carvey Cracks Up Attendees by Skewering Bill Gates and Computer Industry

Dana Carvey, formerly of Saturday Night Live, caricatures just about everyone -- here are some of the highlights

By Erica Rex, JavaWorld

San Francisco (April 3, 1997) -- Comedian Dana Carvey provided attendees with a welcome afternoon break from almost round-the-clock meetings and technical sessions at the JavaOne conference.

Surveying the high-tech surroundings and demo stations, Carvey bounded on stage wearing a JavaOne tee shirt and immediately sailed into a good-natured assault on technologists, computing, and the computer industry. "Hi... This isn't the Starship Enterprise, it's an In-for-ma-tion Pod. I'm kissing ass and wearing your tee-shirt."

Dana Carvey treats JavaOne attendees to his famous impressions of Clinton, Bush, Perot, and Dole

(the audience roars)

Carvey: "Are you from Heaven's Gate? Get a Web page! Follow me. I never blink, I must be right."

Carvey, who kept the audience in stitches for a full hour, took industry bashing to new levels, with some help from the audience:

"What the hell is it with computers? I can't work the damn things. They're junk!"

"Hey, you guys should know this," Carvey queried the audience, "Why does the cursor freeze?"

(shouts from audience) "Microsoft!"

Carvey: "What's Microsoft?"

(pose of a dictator in a heavy accent) "Ve're going to rule the world -- control the Internet -- how can I make money if I can't sell it?"

(then offering his best Ross Perot impression) "Bill Gates? He made a deal with the devil... He gets to make twenty-two billion dollars... but he has to go through life looking like a frog!" (still in Perot mode) "Why don't computers work? Why is there a traffic jam in San Francisco?" He pauses.

(audience) "Microsoft!"

"I just feel funny bashing Bill Gates," said Carvey. "I don't even know the guy. But I see Scott McNealy over there shouting 'Yea! That's what we're paying you for!'"

Carvey continued with an hour of cultural and polical humor and performed short bits from some of his best-known characters, including the Church Lady, Garth, Ross Perot, George Bush, and Bill Clinton.

And what was Carvey's take on his own "keynote"?

"This is the silliest thing I've ever done at 2:25 in the afternoon."

April 3, 1997	Complete Contents