Someone’s gonna have to stop Relena Peacecraft because this chick is totally out of control. She’s like some kind of teenaged Joan Collins but without the vindictive streak. She’s unstoppable. She’s not a bitch but, man, does she ever play by her own rules. She’s laughable yet there’s very little that’s actually funny about her. In fact, we’ve yet to witness even a smidgen of a sense of humor about the girl. She’s a diva, plain and simple. And in this particular episode, she’s the spoiled frosting on what would have been a delicious cake.

Picture this -- Heero (in Trowa’s Heavyarms) and Zechs (in the Tallgeese) have been duking it out on the frozen tundra of the South Pole for over THREE HOURS. This is Muhammad Ali versus George Foreman. This is Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader. This is epic and no one should ever consider getting between these two warriors until THEY’VE decided the fight is through. So what happens? Relena Peacecraft has her butler fly her personal Harrier-style jet RIGHT BETWEEN the two Mobile Suits. She’s hanging out of the plane waving a letter addressed to Heero which she’s already opened and read and she screams, "Heero, I have a letter for you." Say what?! Has anyone in the history of the world ever gone to such extraordinary lengths to deliver a letter before? Forget resurrecting the Sanc Kingdom, Relena -- get a friggin’ job with the Post Office!

What makes the whole thing even worse is that after going back and forth for hours, the fight’s basically over. Zechs is about to deliver the final blow and finish off Heero once and for all. It’s a shock -- yes. It’s not what a lot of us would have hoped for -- definitely. But it would’ve been a fair end to an amazing battle. And Relena Peacecraft ruined it.

It's true -- I am the Phantom of the Soap Opera.

Then, after way too many OZ Mobile Suits approach the area, Zechs volunteers to cover while Noin, Relena, Heero and Trowa make their escape. What are Zechs’ last words as he speeds toward battle? "Glory to the Colonies!" Again -- say what?! Since when did this guy join the good fight? Did I miss something or are all the Peacecrafts a little loony?

If you haven’t glanced down at the rating of this episode yet, let me save you the trouble. The only thing that prevented this sucker from getting a 1 was the battle itself. Relena’s antics took 3 points right off the top. And if Zechs hadn’t been such a great fighter, his about-face would’ve hurt the score, too. Remember these two simple rules, Gundamaniacs. 1) NEVER get in the middle of a great fight and 2) if you’re gonna yell something as you square off against impossible odds (even if you do plan on surrendering after your friends get away), write it down first. Otherwise you just come off looking like some guy who buys a Yankee hat after New York wins the World Series. And that, my friends, is a loser.

--Ross Brooks will be a New York Giants fan and a Los Angeles Dodgers fan forever.

Past Gundam Wing Reviews

49: Final Victors
48: Take Off Into Confusion
47: Collision in Space
46: Milliardo's Decision
45: Signs of the Final Battle
44: Go Forth, Gundam Team
43: Target: Earth
42: Battleship Libra
41: Crossfire at Barge
40: A New Leader
39: Trowa Returns to the Battlefield
38: Relena Becomes Queen
37: Zero vs. Epyon
36: The Collapse of the Sanc Kingdom

15: To the Battleground Antarctica
14: The Order to Destroy Zero One
13: Catherine's Tears
12: Bewildered Warriors
11: The Whereabouts of Happiness
10: Heero - Distracted by Defeat
9: Portrait of a Ruined Country
8: The Treize Assassination
7: Scenario of Bloodshed
6: Party Night
5: Relena's Secret
4: The Victorian Nightmare
3: Five Gundams Confirmed
2: Deathscythe
1: The Shooting Star She Saw

Gundam Wing, The Lonely Battlefield - anime - 6.28.

Talking Star Trek - tv - 6.28.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Movies - movies - 6.28.

The Week in Comics - comics - 6.28.